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So…..I’ve had all winter off (and fall. my bad. seriously) and it’s given me a lot of time to think. I’ve already discussed your wardrobe necessities, but now I want to talk about your wardrobe faux pas. Let’s talk about the things we see all too often that never work. Let’s talk about the things you might not notice, but everyone else does.

 Panty Lines

Sometimes the nicest outfit can look like crap because of the V going across your tush. Invest in thongs. If you hate the way they feel, sorry, get used to it. Granny panties are for grandmas, and no one is looking at your grandmas ass anyhow. She is wearing Depends. It’s okay for her to have panty lines. But you, you don’t want those.

Shoes that don’t ‘go’

Ever see that girl who wears the same ugly, plain-Jane shoes for every occasion? Or worse yet, sneakers? Yeah, well…she is a rare breed, but she is out there. Work: black Mary Janes. Dinner: black Mary Janes. Happy hour: black Mary Janes. Et cetera, et cetera. It’s a sad life to be blind from the ankle down. I’ve actually heard someone say, “It doesn’t matter, no one is looking at your shoes anyway.” This is a real affliction that affects hundreds of women everyday. Shoes can make an outfit. You can wear a plain white t-shirt with blue jeans and the shoes will change the tone of the outfit completely. Flip-flops can make the look beachy, colorful shoes can make the look trendy, pumps can make the look sexy. The wrong shoes can distract from the sexiest dress, making the wearer look clueless or slightly disturbed. Never underestimate the power of your footwear.

Bra issues

Sometimes you want to show your strap it, most of the time, you just look sloppy. Buy convertible bras that can be worn multiple ways, and double-sided stylists tape to prevent your strap from showing. Or if you’re apart of “the committee”, you don’t need much support and can wear a strapless bra or even go without on some occasions. Some ladies choose to wear a sports bra with certain outfits, but beware, most sports bras don’t have individual cups and will give you uniboob. Take a good look at your outfit in the mirror with enough lighting to determine if your bra is visible through your shirt. Spillage isn’t sexy, just like a V going across your butt is a distraction, the same goes for your boobs. If your bra is cutting your boobs into a top and bottom half, the bra doesn’t fit. Get measured by a professional bra-fitter and try on different bra styles. Not every style will fit the same, even in the same size or from the same brand. A good fitting bra will lift and separate the girls, instantly making you look taller and slimmer. And if you are actually trying to show your bra off under your clothes (which I don’t recommend), let it be something lacey and pretty, but not vulgar.

Bad fit

There is no redeeming an ill-fitting piece of clothing. A bad fit will always make you look fat. Too long pants will look sloppy, and you’ll run the risk of stepping on your pants. Too short pants look as if you’re awaiting a flood, or borrowing someone else’s pants. Whether it’s too big, and it’s hanging loose around your body, or it’s too tight, and it’s creating folds in your 24 inch waist, a bad fit will ensure an undesirable look.

Too Much

Too much makeup. Too much animal print. Too much skin. Too much weave. Too tight. Too much spray tan. Too much t&a.  Whatever it is. Stop doing TOO MUCH. There is beauty in simplicity. There is sophistication in being a natural woman. No one is asking you to stop showering, to stop brushing your teeth, that’s not what natural beauty is all about, and those who think so are just plain wrong. Natural beauty is about embracing your God given features and playing them up. The grass always looks greener on the other side; ladies with straight hair want full, bouncy curls, and ladies with curly hair want bone straight strands. But hair always looks it’s very best when you keep it along the lines nature intended. Ever see a woman with caked on make-up going about her business? Don’t you feel bad for her? Don’t you wonder if she has a friend, or a family member who would just say, “STOP, you’re doing too damn much!” Ever see a girl inappropriately showing so much skin that you wonder if she’s being paid to be there? Don’t be this girl. Resist your inner Snooki.

There are many other looks that us girls should reject, let me know whats on your list.

Summer is a verb. Hope you’re enjoying yours. See you soon.

When faced with this photo, I can’t give a damn about the happy royalty about to start a life together, just like the rest of the world, I can only look at this brilliant child. This is supposed to be the stuff fairy tales are made of. At some point in this little girls life, someone read her a bedtime story that ended with the girl kissing a Prince and living happily ever after. This baby could not give less of a fuck than she does right this very second. She just wishes you would all shut the fuck up. Maybe it was the jets. Maybe she’s a tiny hater, mad that she’s not the one marrying a Prince. Whatever the case, your heart goes out to this baby. Baby Grace, you rock.

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you, without a blog entry to read through

But I’m finally back, with a new hard drive! (Don’t forget to back-up!) I haven’t just upgraded my hardware, I’ve upgraded my foot wear. This week I got my first pair of Nike+ sneakers. Simply running is no longer enough. In the year 2011, we track our runs distance, pace, time and calories burned via a small chip inside of our sneaker. We then download the information to the internet where we can see progress and send the information to our friends via Twitter and Facebook to remind them of how fat and lazy they are. Isn’t technology amazing? The sensor in my sneaker sends the information to my iPod while I run, and a voice periodically comes on over my music to let me know how I’m doing. After my iPod sends the information to the Nike+ website, I can then set goals and see how I’m measuring up. Just as I’m loving my new toy, I find out about a new app; Nike+ GPS. With the GPS app I can link Nike+ to my iPhone and it will map the route I ran, or let me play a game of tag with friends. Once the game of tag is initiated, the person who runs the shortest distance is ‘it’ and it’s broadcast via the Nike+ site. Obviously not for the faint of heart or easily embarrassed. For now, I’m going to follow one of the pre-set schedules to go from winter couch potato to spring athlete-in-training.

Aside from all of this technology, my new sneakers are amazing. They have the perfect amount of cushion to take the shock off of my knees, plus they’re cute. I don’t really mind looking like a walking Nike ad if the outfit is cute. I don’t know about anyone else, but I like having pretty workout gear. If the outfit looks right, you just might wear it more often, and since you’re all dressed up for a run, you might as well go running! A dirty white tee and some cut off sweats might cut it over at Lucille Roberts, but no one’s going to wear that on the street. When I was a little girl, I had this Barbie workout album called “Looking Good, Feeling Great”. Yes, a vinyl record. The kind that plays with a needle. Anyway, it’s good to remember that those two things go hand in hand. When you look good, you feel great. So remember who you’re working out for. You’re not just trying to impress an ex-lover, you’re not just trying to make those bitches at the high-school reunion jealous, you’re not just trying to fit into your old bikini for summer, you’re trying to do ALL of those things! And those things will make you feel GREAT! Barbie has taught several generations of women that “Looking Good” and “Feeling Great” go hand in hand. But the power is in your hands, and it’s also in the NIke+ sneaker. Just do it.

The Mayan calendar predicts 2012 as the end of days; perhaps that was Karl Lagerfeld’s inspiration for the Chanel fall/winter 2011 ready-to-wear collection. Mr. Lagerfeld wants his ladies to be dressed to the nines for the apocalypse. The background is the volcanic, scorched earth, and the fashion is goth-chic. Lagerfeld’s collection is less ladies-who-lunch and more edgy fashionista. Chanel tweed suits paired with denim shows Lagerfeld keeping with the tradition of Chanel, but reinterpreting it for today.

Here are a few of my favorite looks.

Pictures courtesy of Chanel.com